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| Valerie and Dad (scary white man in scary tight swim shorts.....thanks 1979!) |
Today I turned 35. I have been reflective on this birthday, probably because I've been dreading it for a week....a year......longer. The closer it got, the more I felt a lingering sadness or disappointment. I don't know if I can put it into words, but this year marked some kind of finality for me. I finally have to admit.....I am no longer young. 20s are quickly vanishing in my rear view. Yes...yes...yes....I know "35 is still young".......but let's be really really honest....it is a far cry from the 20s and moving rapidly towards 40. I felt like I was coming face to face with the fact that I'm not where/what I thought I would be by this point in my life. I spent a couple days leading up to my birthday feeling sorry for myself, convincing myself that I had failed somehow AND then........................a thought.............
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| Valerie 7 yrs old. (Kate's age) |
SO WHAT?!
No, I'm not where I thought I'd be and yes, I've made lots of wrong turns and detours and taken quite a few scenic routes....................
SO WHAT!?
YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY!
In many ways, I have grown so much and I started thinking about all the things I like about me. I haven't failed at my journey. It's not finished, and what is written isn't so terrible. I'm a pretty good me. This led into pretty much the best birthday ever. In years past, I have kept my birthday a secret and somehow expected others to divine this information, but this year (partly due to my distress) I (and facebook) told people.......
and then.....I let myself ENJOY it instead of thinking all the ways I let another year slip away. I focused on all the good things about my day and me and all the things I have to look forward to, and I have to say this has been the best birthday ever. My sister in law made a beautiful dinner and cheesecake on Sunday (end of mopey period) and she took Jessica for me today. I went and joined the YMCA to start working out and doing fun things as a family. Then I poked around Walmart and enjoyed picking up a few things alone. Christopher took the day off and we enjoyed a nice lunch with no kids and really talked. I felt reconnected to him in a way we haven't in a long time. We talked about things that needed talking about and things that were just fun. We held hands. We poked around Barnes and Noble and talked some more. Then we got to pick up our kids from school TOGETHER! (even with the dog)
All day long facebook and email kept buzzing with birthday wishes from friends and family who I love and who love me back. I talked to my parents, who are out of town, and enjoyed hearing from them. My friend, Jamee, and I made a lunch date at my favorite place for Wednesday. I can't wait! The icing on the cake was when my dear friend, Sally, picked me up, gave me a super gift and stole me away for some pie. I adore her and I love talking to her. She is just awesome! She makes a better me and has really helped me to grow. It made me feel so super special that she made time for me! (like sitting at the cool kids table) It is the end of my day and you know what?
35 LOOKS PRETTY GOOD ON ME.
In honor of my day and of the reflection I have been able to have here are my
20 Things That are Pretty Great About Being Me and 15 Things I Am Looking Forward To
1. I can really rock short hair.
2. I have a husband who I am still in love with.
3. 3 great kids that I brought into this world....I mean, wow!
4. so many wonderful friends who are true blue and would be there for me
5. I am much cooler now than I was growing up.
6. I tell it like it is.
7. I am real--no fakeys here.
8. I have super fun socks that I like to mix n match.
9. My van has AC AND a DVD player! --movin on up
10. My dog is the snuggliest sweetest mister.
11. I have grown so much as a person and feel much more in touch with me.....and I kind of like me too.
12. I've become a lot less concerned with what other people think.
13. I love people for who they are.
14. I live close to my parents and my brother
15. I have a great job and bosses
16. I've decided that changing my dreams doesn't mean I've failed at the other ones....it means I've grown into new ones.
17. I make cool things.
18. I can play with the kids and enjoy it more than they do.
19. I have learned how to play Plants vs Zombies
20. I can say I love you.
1. Getting in better shape to keep up with my kiddos
2. Showing my children how important our faith is.
3. Loving my body.
4. More adventures.
5. Buying my first house.
6. Being a 2 car family.
7. Running a 5k.
8. Keeping a clean and organized house.
9. Keeping records of our memories.
10. Sending kids on missions.
11. Sending kids to college.
12. Retiring in the mountains or as a DisneyWorld character.....yep....I think that would be cool
13. Learning more about myself and my place in the world.
14. Loving more. Giving more. Learning more.
15. Finishing my degree.
