The Last Piece of the Puzzle

How many times have you put a puzzle together and you are missing one piece? This is one of my peeves and it just eats at me until I find the missing piece or throw the whole puzzle away in frustration. At our house-with a toddler and a preschooler-this seems like it is ALWAYS the case. In fact, if you are missing ONLY one piece you are actually pretty lucky! So...why the talk of puzzles and the missing piece? Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about how Heavenly Father has communicated with me concerning my family (and each child that was to come into our family).
Let me explain. Long before I had Dallin, I had a dream. Not one of those weird crazy dreams that you think that "that could never happen" or you dream you were a pegasus and wake up with super tired arms (that also happened to me once), but a dream that is real. In fact, you know in your heart of hearts that, in fact, it IS real. I guess I must be pretty hard headed because this seems a communication method of choice for Heavenly Father when it comes to family planning for us. (Wait until she is unconscious and lay it on her!) Anyways, the dreams I have are not long or detailed, more like a single moment in time that is so poignant that I can't shake it off as "just a dream". So before we had Dallin, before we had even really started to try to hard....I had my first dream. There was a beautiful baby girl-about 4 months old. She was in a blue carseat carrier with green stripes and she had soft red hair and the cutest smile. Christopher was leaning over the carseat talking adoringly to her "Hello! Hello! Hello little Kate!" and she smiled and looked at him like he was just amazing. I woke up and I knew we would have a daughter, and her name would be Kate. I was surprised that in my dream-the baby had pierced ears (and I am not a baby ear piercer) but I felt in my heart that the dream still stood as valid. So....when it didn't appear that we would have a baby after 4 years of trying. I felt discouraged. What happened? What happened to Kate? Had we done something wrong? Finally, we were pregnant. I was sure it was my girl. Then I had a dream. I was in a rocking chair with my back to a window covered in blinds in a nursery and the sun was streaming in. In my arms, I held a soft bundle. I couldn't see the baby, but I knew it was my son. Sure enough..a few months later we found we were having a boy! My dream came true in exact detail-the rocking chair, the nursery, the little bundle.I wondered though, what happened to the little girl? What happened to Kate? It wasn't until later that I began to understand the Lord's wisdom in the timing of these dreams. Dallin was a difficult baby (and has not always been the easiest child). He did not want to be cuddled or do baby things I had imagined. He screamed. He screamed and screamed and screamed. Being my first child, I felt very inadequate and couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong (sometimes I still feel this way). I wasn't sure if having more children would be the right thing since I couldn't even handle one. But I remembered the dream of the baby girl, Kate. I knew she was supposed to join our family. Christopher and I decided that since it had taken so long the first time to start trying right away and by the time Dallin was 10 months old, I was pregnant. It was a girl. We named her Kate. My dream came true - the way she looked (minus the earrings), the car seat, Christopher crooning, her smiling. I knew this was the little girl we had waited for. Why had I dreamt about her so early-before Dallin? I think it was so that I wouldn't give up facing the difficulties of actual parenthood my first time at bat or put it off in the face of difficult economic circumstances and I would complete our eternal family.Before Kate even came into the world, I had another dream. I dreamt that I was at church. I had pulled up in a white mini-van and the side doors opened and my family began to pour out. Out hopped a red-headed 8 yr old Dallin, followed by a blonde 7 yr old Kate. They stood by the car on the sidewalk leading up to the church while I talked to a friend about Dallin's red hair. Then out of the van bounced a 3rd child. It was a little girl with blonde curls - about 4 years old- who had a look in her eye like a little pixie. Somehow, in the dream, I knew deep down in my heart of hearts that our family was complete. We had all of the children we were supposed to have and weren't having anymore and I was happy and content. I woke up from my dream, wondering if Kate was going to be blonde (she wasn't...LOL), but as was the case in the earring part of Kate's dream I felt prompted that the importance of the dream wasn't in the matching of every tiny detail (though many have matched), but to communicate to me the need to complete our eternal family and what that meant. Why? Why was having this dream important? Well, after Dallin and Kate and struggling with juggling our 2 beautiful children and becoming established as a family- we questioned are we finished? Do we want anymore children? After all, we had a boy and a girl and 2 was very respectable. Not to mention that we aren't rollin in the dough and the 2 we have tend to keep us on our toes, perpetually embarrassed and apologizing, and constantly questioning our ability to parent at all...LOL I think we both wanted to be done, but I couldn't let it go. The fact that I had the dream about 3 before Kate was even born haunted me. It nagged me and nagged me-that I would always feel we were missing someone and eventually I would regret it. Christopher and I discussed this several times- over and over deciding we would wait before making any final decision. As Kate neared 18 months it tugged at me harder and after talking about it and praying about it, we decided to try again for the last piece of our puzzle. By the time Kate was 2 (April 26)- it was practically screaming in my ear. I started to wonder if our window had passed, but tried to take comfort in the age difference that was in the dream. Then on May 3, a week before Mother's Day, we found out.....
the last piece of our puzzle is on the way. We are due on January 9, 2010 (which basically means we will deliver around Jan 2). We feel so happy and so at peace. It will be our final rodeo. People smile and say "ohhhh suuuure" or "what if it is not a girl?", but I feel confident and peaceful that the dreams sent to me were sent for a reason at a time that I needed them and I know that 3 children(girls or boys) is our family...our whole eternal family. Here's to you, lil bean! And to us, the Kellogg crew, party of 5!