Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam......but What About What I Want?

Congratulations!  Today is your day.  You're off to great heights.  You're up and away! 

Jessica turned 3 years old on December 1st, and here we are the first Sunday of the New Year.   What does that mean?   

Ladies and gentlemen, that means we have ourselves a SUNBEAM!   In our church, the children move up a class each new year and, unlike the public schools, children are grouped together by age as of Jan 1.   So all of the kids who are 7 on Jan 1 are in the same Sunday school class, 8 on Jan 1 are in the 8 year old class, etc.    The very first actual class when they "graduate" nursery is when they are 3 years old on Jan 1 and that class is called the Sunbeams.  

Sunbeams is a rite of passage.   It is a big deal because they aren't babies anymore.  They are "big kids" and they go to the primary with the bigger kids and do all the things the bigger kids do.  While it is a very momentous thing, I don't think I would say it is a fun thing or even an enjoyable thing for most Sunbeams.   

Jessica was very unimpressed.   She was quite distressed that she was not going in with the toys and the food but instead was supposed to sit in a chair with a class and be a part of all the action.  She hung onto the door and cried as I was dragging her into the primary room.   She refused to participate in any of the activities and seemed basically oblivious to anything outside of her own little world.  She hates it when other people sing so a room full of other children singing was not a big hit.   She climbed all over the chairs, rolled on the floor, and spent a good amount of time turned backward in her her seat and making silly faces in a little mirror they gave her today.  She refused to answer any questions (and she still won't tell me what her name is.....though  I have heard her say it when pointing herself in a picture) and would not color anything they gave her.   She refused to go into her classroom after sharing time and I spent some time pacing the hall (and having a mommy freakout) with her until I bribed her inside with the promise of snacks. 

All in all, I would call today a screaming SUCCESS!  You did it baby girl.   I am proud of you (and me)   Let's face it being moved out of toys and snacks and into a "big kid" class is tough.   No kid (or adult...be honest)  really wants to give up free play and toys for any kind of actual class.  We haven't been terribly active with our church attendance so she really didn't know these folks well and has not mastered church class etiquette.  Add to that, church this year is 12-3 and if that isn't enough....she is one of the youngest in the class with her December birthday.   There is a BIG.....HUGE.....difference between a 3 year old and a 4 year old.   

So....Jesus wants Jessica for a Sunbeam......but that is definitely NOT what she wants.  That really got me thinking.   Today was super hard for me too.   I was not totally sure I wanted this for her.  "Should I just let her roam the halls?   Isn't she too young for this?  She isn't going to do this anyways.  This is too much for her.  Maybe she should stay with me.  Maybe we should go home."    Right as I was about to throw in the towel and list all the reasons why this is not going to work and is a bad idea, I stopped.   Wait.    Breathe.   She will be ok.  I will be ok.   I picture how Heavenly Father must feel when he tries to work with me.  Same stubborn streak.  Same resistance to change.   Same fierce spirit.  I imagine there are many times when I am turned backwards in my chair making faces in my little mirror or rolling on the ground or just refusing to do it and He patiently tries and tries again until I finally make the change-unwavering, full of compassion.   How great is His love.

It is hard letting her grow up and yes, the transition may be a little harder/longer for her than for the other children for various reasons, but she can do it and I need to let her do it.  I need to support her in this transition because this is what she needs right now.  I need to be part of the solution and the reason this is a success.   It is time for her to grow, and it is time for me to grow too.